Immaturity

I was dating an interesting, smart and sexy music producer casually for the past month and a half. Besides the obvious flaw of being emotionally unavailable (that's how I like all my men, I guess)due to a recent separation from his wife of 13 years, he was a bit different from my 'normal' type. First of all he had money and a good job, secondly he was white and to top it off he was older than me - in his 40s. My dating preferences as of the last couple years tend to run towards young, brown, marginally employed and foreign!
Even though I had little expectation of anything serious happening with this guy, I felt that he was mature, financially stable and educated - a step in the right direction, at least. We had lots of interesting conversations, made out in his art studio, he showed me a video of his son's band, I met his dog and his favorite bartender, he told me stories about his grandparents during W.W.II and how they stayed in touch even though they were in separate concentration camps, we discussed religion, politics and music. He was a cool guy and I was enjoying getting to know him. Well, turns out he's pretty much similar to the rest. Three days after having sex with him for the first time on the (4th or 5th date)I received this text message:

"Violeta, we talked a lot about doing the right thing and being a good person. I want to do that, and be up front that I'm not ready to keep dating. I think you're so sweet but my situation isn't going to make for anything very secure. I'm here now if you want to talk on the phone, or we could get together for coffee or a beer again. I hope you understand. Hugs, J."

Just when you thought you were dating a 46 year old man and things might be different - he dumps you by text message after sleeping with you! Ahhhhhh...is there no justice in this world??!!! Technology has absolved us of all propriety.

Is it Me or is it Society?!

I'm reading an essay by C. Wright Mills called 'The Sociological Imagination' for class. I've long suspected that beyond my own personal struggles to find love and companianship, that there is something wrong on a larger level - some insideous social breakdown between men and women - well, not even - between HUMANS in this country that prevents us from relating to one another in an open, sincere and loving way. My single friends report the same things time and time again - its hard to meet anyone interested in a relationship. Women complain the men are guarded, jaded, unable to comitt. Men complain the women are jugdgemental, overly emotional, demanding. (Forgive the apparent stereotypes here, but these are the common complaints that I hear from each gender.)Its helping me to view my own personal problems of lonliness and lack of a partner as a part of a greater issue. According to Mills, 'Troubles occur within the character of the individual and within the range of his or her immediate relations with others...A trouble is a private matter: values cherished by an individual are felt by her to be threatened. Issues have to do with matters that transcend these local environments of the individual and the range of her inner life...An issue is a public matter: some value cherished by the public is felt to be threatened.' Superficially, my failure to connect appears to be a private problem, my own personal hell. However, when we look at the swelling tides of isolation and lonliness around us, that more Americans are single than ever before, 27% of American households now consist of single individuals living alone - the highest number ever - we see that this is not just a personal trouble, this is a national epidemic!

As Mills goes on to say, '...consider unemployment. When, in a city of 100,000, only one is unemployed, that is his personal trouble, and for its relief we properly look to the character of the individual, his skill and opportunities. But when in a nation of 50 million employees, 15 million people are unemployed, that is an issue, and we may not hope to find its solution within the range of opportunities open to any one individual. The very structure of opportunities has collapsed. Both the correct statement of this problem and the range of possible solutions require us to consider the economic and political instituions of the society, and not merely the personal situation and character of a scatter of individuals.'