Remnents

Men are so weird. The last guy I went out with promised me he was gonna go home and make me a homemade B day card (he's an artist). For a while I checked my mail in anticipation. Everyday I would bet myself a $100 that it wouldn't be there, hoping that my pessimism would be proven wrong. It never was. All of a sudden today, there it is, two weeks late, a nice card saying he liked spending time with me and hoped to spend more time with me. Of course, I think he's leaving to travel like TOMORROW. WTF?!
Anyway, I am already imagining this cute little card being tossed into the dustbin of my dating history along with the many other random items men have given me. Various totems men have given me over the years include - a small crystal penis (given to me by my ex boyfriend to ward off other men before I embarked on a 6 month solo trip to Europe), a rug with a giant fire breathing dragon on it, a dvd of some terrible Brazilian rock band, an ugly little leather flask that says 'Te Quiero Mucho' on it, sappy poems written on scraps of paper, a glittery pink vibrator, a $500 custom made corset, a white leather jacket, dirty books, an easel, an audio tape of a guy describing his bedroom to me and then the sound of him jerking off...etc, etc, etc.
As I think about each of these objects, I see a small image of each guy. Who could know what was passing through their mind at the time? I'm sure they all had sincere intentions in the moment. Later though, it was another story...
Funny, but I like to keep these things. No matter how awful, I feel a bit sentimental about them. They are like strange little puzzle pieces - reconstructing an image of a time, a place, a face.
A face that once thought of me.

Why is dating so lame?!

I actually had a couple immensely fun and enjoyable dates with a guy recently (see post below). He was hilarious, he thought I was hilarious, he was all over me telling me how hot I was and making out with me, insinuating future things we might do together, my insanity seemed to excite him rather than terrify him, he seemed like he might be kinda dirty in bed, he was smart and had sexy eyes, he was cute but not so hot that he might be a player, etc... things seemed dimly promising. (Aside from the fact that he's leaving the country to travel for at least a month, god I'm such a sucker for impossible situations!) Anyway, he's an artist/architect and he mentioned that he had a ton of photos up on facebook. Being the nosey person I am I decided to check out his profile. I considered it doing a little 'psychological research'.
Shit. First of all he has 731 friends. What?! Who the hell has that many friends on there? I guess he went to some fancy pantsy school back east and now he's at Cal Berkeley so he has a big network but damn... Then he has 97 photo ALBUMS posted. Each albums has dozens and dozens of pictures. There are probably like a 1000 photos posted. What's in these photos? Picture after picture of him partying with a seemingly endless stream of hip young architects/Berkeley students/whatever. AND it to make it worse there are tons of photos of him posing with hot semi-drunk girls. WTF?! I honestly can't understand why he would even have to go online to meet someone if he is constantly out partying and surrounded by cute girls. It just doesn't make any sense. I'm extremely suspicious now. Everything he's said and done now appear to be disingenuous. Sigh...will this ever end?!!!

The silly things I say and do

Whenever I get too much time on my hands I start thinking about Juan and feeling sad. So, I decided to go out last night. I rustled up myself an internet date.

Due in part to an insane regimen of vodka, rum, beer, and wine with some sips of a gin cocktail thrown in for good measure, I was not on my best behavior...

I spilled my after-dinner glass of Reisling all over the table then asked my date to ask for a free refill.
I checked to see what he left as a tip. After evaluating whether the amount was generous enough, I declared "That tip just made you lose an inch off your penis!"
I also believe I may have spanked him several times...
At the end of the night when we were kissing (yes, he wanted a kiss after all that) I bit his ear lobe!

The crazy thing is we were laughing our asses off most of the night. Later he texted me saying he had a great night and wanted to do it again.
I suspect he may actually return to his senses soon enough and change his mind. We will see...

I may have to impose a strict two drink limit on myself on first dates.