This blog was started on a whim; it was meant to be a (hopefully) witty and semi-amusing way for me to document all my silly dating dramas. And I have lots and lots of dating stories. Waaaaay to many if you ask me. The problem is that I don't know when its going to stop. Honestly, I don't think I can take it much longer. I used to enjoy the thrilling roller coaster ride of meeting new guys, I used to love the hedonistic indulgence of casual sex. The last time I had sex I ended up alone, sobbing in my bed at 2am. Its just not fun anymore. I don't feel sexy or empowered anymore. I just feel used and sad. I'm terrified that I will never find anyone who values me.
I saw a bunch of couples at the restaurant tonight. Most of them seemed really happy and in love. The guys were really nice. One couple was looking through a photo album together, laughing and sharing ice cream sundaes. Another couple was pregnant. I can't be jealous or angry but my heart feels like its going to collapse. I can't remember what its like to have a man look at me with love in his eyes. I can't remember what its like to feel safe and taken care of.
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2 comments:
I'm sorry you're feeling so down, honey. Wish I was there to take you out for a drink.
Maybe you should think about your steps to love and build in some buffer zones. Draw distinctions between a connection and attraction. You might not change your rules about sex, but you can insist on greater spiritual resonance before succumbing to powerful feelings. If exotic men attract you, then maybe you should look for different types of exotic men (i.e. change locale).
It really hurts, but the pain created by the wrong people supercedes the pain endured in waiting for the right one.
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