Bootylicious!!!

On a lighter note...
I just have to say thank god for non-white men's appreciation for the booty.
During a blissful sunny stroll at my local farmer's market in Oaktown I received many an appreciative glance and comment. Not grotesque, sleazy and leering like I've encountered by countless crackheads outside my last job in the Tenderloin; rather the pleasant, sweet acknowledgment of men noticing a woman they find attractive. Trust me, when you have been single for a while you start to enjoy this sort of thing...
My favorite was the overly enthusiastic sample boy who leapt at me with a piece of spinach stuffed naan smothered in chutney shouting "I FEED EVERYONE!! But I only chase the cute ones!!" He then followed me insistently with yet another sample. An older black man noted "Now, there's a REAL woman. How're you doing today beautiful?"

Somehow I ended up at the local beauty supply store in an isle full of press on nails and padded butt enhancing shapewear. Beyonce was gyrating sexily in a leotard on the TV singing 'To all the single ladies....if you like it, you shouldda put a ring on it...' Although the likes of Beyonce and JLo are not exactly ideal role models for promoting body acceptance, at the very least they provide images of non-white, non-stick thin beauty. I'd a million times rather look at them than someone like Gwynth Paltrow in all her skinny, austere, ultra-WASPy glory. And let's be honest, Queen Latifa and America Ferrera are beautiful and keep it even MORE REAL! I am infinitely grateful to all the men and women of the world who do not perpetuate the tyrannical belief that you must be very thin in order to be deemed appealing.

I was talking to my female co worker earlier in the day about how all the men at our work tend to get really fixated on certain parts of women's bodies. While I find this somewhat shallow and mildly annoying it also doesn't deeply offend me. Certainly, I do the same thing to some of the men I find attractive. Anyway, all this got me thinking about people's perceptions and judgements about women's bodies.

I've always felt somewhat shy about my body, wishing that I wasn't quite so voluptuous. Somehow my curves make me feel more exposed on the street. Men are forever looking and commenting; sometimes I find it charming (as above) but sometimes I find it horrifying and/or alarming. Wearing something that would seem innocuous on a less endowed body, such as fitted jeans, a tank top or gym clothes, often feels vaguely indecent. I've talked to with some of my... ahem... more buxom friends and I know they feel similarly. What is even more strange is the perception some men may have about you - if a woman has a certain type of body, she may be perceived as less intelligent, more slutty etc. I wonder how we, as women, internalize these beliefs and expectations.

I know that for a long time, I really needed to be viewed as beautiful and desirable by men. I presented myself in a way that was highly sexualized. I have no regrets or shame about the good times I've had in the past. My myriad dating experiences, as well as my sexual experimentation, are an integral part of who I am. They've not only left me more open minded about trying things out for myself but also led me to be less judgemental towards others. I completely get women who want to revel in the power and joy of their sexuality. Hey, its fun! The thing is now, while I still want to be considered beautiful and attractive, I'm not satisfied with being viewed primarily in a sexual way by men. I want to meet someone who I can stay up all night with... talking.