This explains a lot...

I was searching my email for information on my New York voter registration status when I stumbled upon this old missive entitled 'Let us sell and eat cake!' Apparently, many years ago I was very halfheartedly considering holding a little bake sale to benefit the Kerry campaign (I got the idea from Moveon.org). I wish I could say that I'm a more mature,responsible,upstanding citizen these days but it seems doubtful...

Me:

this actually sounds like fun and its for a good
cause. i bet if we had it in front of our house tons
of people would buy stuff walking down 18th st. on a
sat. is anyone game for helping out with this? i
don't think i want to do it alone! come on, it will
be fun. i don't mind doing the majority of the
cooking, mostly so when no one is looking i can add
a little rat poison! plus we can always drink 40's on
the stoop and talk shit to gay men and thier dogs...

My friend:

Hey!
Were you still planning on doing this? I am worried
that I don't have enough time to bake and
promote...are there any other dates that we can do
it so that I can make flyers, bake stuff, gather
belongings to sell, etc.? Because also want to go
look at some apartments on Saturday, if we
definitely are NOT doing it...CALL ME!

Me:
sorry. i went on a date mon night with this guy and
he stayed for 2 days! i am totally out of it because
i have been in bed almost the whole time. but at
least i got laid! anyway, no one else wants to help
with the sale and now my brother is telling me all
this bad stuff about kerry and how he has like 5 homes
so i am thinking that WE need the money more than
him!!! would you still want to do a yard sale with me
and make some extra cash? we could sell some cookies
or something too that i can make and keep the profits
for ourselves! oh, shit i just remembered that i
signed up to work a shift yesterday which is on sat.
would you want to do it on sun? you can let me know
later if you want... i am so out of it. i'll call you
in a minute.