Getting in touch with my Inner Bitch

I've been trying to be nice my whole life. My parents, as bleeding-heart-liberal Catholics, hammered in good Christian values like 'turn the other cheek' and 'love thy neighbor', they also believed in something called 'voluntary poverty'- which I can honestly say MOST Christians have no interest in. I grew up believing that it was basically my responsibility to help others in need. Rather than instilling in me a drive to succeed, discipline, ambition, artistic talent or even vanity they taught me to 'be a good person'. Well, it turns out that since most other people I encounter were taught the latter values and 'being a good person' or 'helping others' would probably fall at number 10 or 15 on their list right behind taking out the garbage or getting a prostate exam - this puts me at a bit of a disadvantage. You see, I've finally figured out that by being nice and helpful I'm allowing everyone around me to achieve their goals - and walk all over me in the process.

I've allowed my neurotic, narcissistic friend to rant endlessly to me for hours (for years of my life!)meanwhile barely expressing a passing interest in my life and showing nothing but impatience if not utter rudeness and irritation when on a rare occasion she pauses to listen to me describing any of my debacles. I've put up with men who were too busy to make time for me (focusing on their success),didn't want to commit, guys who lied about their marital status, name, etc, had a job where I had to work with filthy, crazy homeless people, dealt with more than my fair share of alcoholics and mentally ill friends and lovers as well as a seemingly endless supply of high maintenance women.

During a recent late night meal with a financially privileged and thin friend she 'joked' at least three times how she was going to go home and throw up. Each time she said it she'd laugh nervously and go "No, I'm just kidding" but seriously - we were eating steamed vegetable dumplings and CHINESE BROCCOLI not effin' KFC! Meanwhile, I was sitting there meekly listening to that and wondering if it even occurred to her that she was sitting across from someone who had struggled with her weight her entire life and was not thin.

Or take last night for example - when I guy I was starting to casually date and said he wanted to see me I thought he might have something nice in mind for us to do. I met him at the cafe that he owns. Immediately after rolling down the metal gates that cover the windows and locking all the doors, he grabbed me in the empty shop and starting kissing me furiously. Don't get me wrong, he's quite attractive BUT I don't totally trust him so I pulled away before things escalated in the direction of the white vinyl couch. We walked next door to a little lounge to have drinks where he proceeded to flirt with the waitress, invite his coworkers along and spend at least 30 mins perusing deep fat fryers to purchase for the cafe on his Ipad. So no one could blame me if I ordered several strong drinks, flirted with his lesbian business partner and went home on my own (where I was promptly welcomed by my drunk landlord having beers on the stoop with his friends who kept exclaiming how beautiful and sexy I was - which sorta cheered me up.)

Earlier in the week I was at dinner with a friend and at the end when I checked my phone I had a text message from another guy I'd gone on a couple dates with asking me if he could ask me a question and saying he hoped I'd answer honestly since "so many girls lie" about it. He then asked me how many guys I'd slept with. I showed my friend his text, she was horrified - that's always a risky question and its better done in person and once some intimacy has been established. I made some evasive comment about how I don't count anymore(which is true) trying to avoid the awkwardness of this exchange. When I woke up the next morning a volley of texts awaited me that had been sent at 3 am explaining how irresponsible he thought it was if women didn't know their exact number and how he valued his sexual health and this was important because his friend who has herpes(that he goes out with all the time) picks up girls all the time and doesn't tell them. I was immensely provoked - first of all I hadn't even so much as kissed this guy, especially since he had not-so-great breath and I wasn't even that into him. The audacity of him asking me such a personal question via text message and then lying awake at 3am hours later getting all judgmental about my response infuriated me!

So I cut him off. Politely explained to him that his questions via text were inappropriate and presumptuous (assuming that I was even interested in being physically intimate with him), vowed to never see him again (which was easy because I really wasn't that into him) and deleted his number. Now I have to deal with the overbearing friend, my alcoholic ex and the hordes of lecherous men I meet. I'm finally learning to stick up for myself.