My coworker (who can, at times, be quite cutting) said something really nice the other day. I was worrying aloud that I looked old. He said, "Violet, You're beautiful. Don't let anybody tell you any different." That made my night.
The problem is I've started to worry about what's wrong with me. I search for reasons why I'm still single, why I haven't had better luck with men. I can't decide what's to blame - my personality or my looks! In the looks department; sometimes its because I'm too fat, other times too old, other times not hip enough. Then there's my personality - that's another whole issue! ha ha... Maybe I'm too intense, maybe I'm too shy, maybe I'm too depressed, maybe I'm not successful enough, maybe I'm not accommodating enough... Blah, blah, blah. Once I go down this path I feel bad about myself. And then I get mad too because I start thinking of all the other people out there who despite their many shortcomings have found love. I start thinking I'm cursed.
But when I'm feeling calm and reasonable about things, when I feel balanced, I realize that I just haven't met the right person or that maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I realize that my life - pretty much from its inception on a crazy, Catholic commune in the woods, has never been normal or conventional. I've never gone from point A to B to C. While most people I know are getting married, having kids and settling down, I'm preparing to sell everything I own and run away to New York City! This is just me. Someday someone I meet will appreciate these eccentricities and will love me because of/despite them!
And someday (soon, I hope) I will relax and learn to relish the richness of my life, just as it is.
1 comment:
I think that normal is for people who choose to avoid finding who they are, and those that haven't the faintest idea.
It's tough being different, but well worth it once you realize what you are, and have to offer.
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