Dating in Vain

E’s one of those suave, handsome, worldly guys. We met at work when he came in with a bunch of international friends after one of their soccer games. He’s originally from Afghanistan but has lived all over the world – Brazil, Germany, France, Iran, Mexico, playing semi-professional soccer. Everything he says sounds great. He was extolling the virtues of universal love, beauty, nature, quoting the poet Rumi, and telling me how beautiful I was and trying to make out with me. Of course he made a delightful dinner companion – he enthused about the warmth of the Brazilian people, the beauty of Rio de Janiero and the the Amazon, told stories about wine tasting in France and discussed politics in the Middle East. He also let on that he was quite an expert lover. He even went so far as to share stories of women crying after making love with him and how he prayed aloud to god with a woman that 'this night would never end' because it was so wonderful. Unfortunately for him, I’m a hard sell at this point. I’m completely jaded toward most men and lines like ‘You are so gorgeous, like a painting. God really took his time with you.’ And ‘You are like an old movie star, from the black and white films.’ were ineffective with me. When I pointed out a mosquito bite on my cheek (because I thought he might think it was a big pimple!) he exclaimed ‘Who can blame the mosquito?!’ and started ardently kissing my cheek. I enjoyed him; he is sweet, chivalrous, sexy, interesting. But this is not a path I can go down. I’m sure he’s a good lover. That’s something that I have been very disappointed with; a lot of men seem to be a bit lazy in this respect. They are robotic in their love-making, not sensual. Still, I cannot imagine having sex with this guy who has no doubt been making love and whispering sweet nothings into the ears of women all over the globe. It still goes back to wanting to feel special. Sure it’s nice to be wined and dined and flattered by a handsome man but it all seems a bit hollow. Like he has uttered these very same phrases a million times. What is the meaning in them anymore?

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi