Rule to live by

"Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces"
from Sermon on the Mount

Adopt ME!~

I've decided to get a cat. Because I need something to love. And I'm tired of talking to myself. And I like warm, furry creatures.
After hours of perusing cat 'personal ads' on Petfinder.com, I'm tempted write one for myself. Maybe I'll start a Girlfriendfinder.com or Loverfinder.com for all of us stray humans who need to be adopted and loved too!
Here's my ad:

This adorable, affectionate redhead is looking for her forever love.

Violeta was found living a hand-to-mouth existence in a rough neighborhood in Brooklyn, spending too much time in bars and on OKCupid - dating one NYC dickwad after another. Though she has mild PTSD from years of dealing with non committal guys (who used her for her body and superior skills in the boudoir), once you gain her trust she'll be a loyal and loving companion.
If you decide to share your home with her she'll greet you with a warm smile, inane chatter and endless BJs (dream on)to show you her appreciation.

Though Violeta is friendly and plays well with others she prefers to be the only lady of the house - no polyamorous looney toons, nor cheating bastards need apply.

She's negative for all STD's, is tattooed and has had her rabies shots. Don't even think of microchipping her!

Please be gainfully employed, provide at least 3 references and an adoption fee of 30,000 cash. A mandatory home visit will be scheduled beforehand.

Not So Innocent

There comes a time when I must acknowledge my own role in the utter chaos that is my life. I don't always behave in upstanding ways. And since I've moved to New York, I think I've started to become a bit of a player myself. While it seems close to impossible to meet someone I'm truly compatible with - there has been an endless supply of young, attractive men to have fun with. Its become dangerously addictive. Though I was painfully shy and inexperienced with men in high school and my first year or two of college - boy have I made up for it ever since!

I meet guys everywhere now. There's a new one nearly every single week. Usually it goes nowhere - we go out a couple times and I lose interest. Or if I do like them, they start acting like jerks once I reciprocate their interest. On any given day I have several different guys texting me. Most of these men I never sleep with, many of them I never so much as even kiss. Sometimes I can't tell if its them I'm interested in or just their attention. I know this makes me sound like a jerk. Maybe I am - but everyone wants to feel attractive and desirable. And at the end of the day if you don't feel loved; you might be tempted to settle for something at bit more superficial.

Last night I was out with friends dancing and drinking at a bar. I don't even remember how things got started but the next thing I know I'm talking to this guy and he's saying things like "I'm your number one fan!!!" and "I'm really into you." I'm like WTF, you don't even KNOW me! He kept following me around all night. Then I wake up today to text messages from 2 different guys - one from a guy I used to date saying "Good morning beautiful, my angel" and another one from my current 'lover' saying "I want to kiss every inch of your body".

I've become cynical. None of it represents the type of love and connection I'm looking for. But these trifling flirtations, though ultimately unsatisfying, are as deliciously intoxicating as junk food. When I look at things from this perspective, it makes it hard to feel sorry for myself. This merry-go-round makes me dizzy (a sensation I've always loved), and on a good day its ridiculously fun, BUT ultimately I want to get off. The problem is I just don't know how.

Dating in Vain

E’s one of those suave, handsome, worldly guys. We met at work when he came in with a bunch of international friends after one of their soccer games. He’s originally from Afghanistan but has lived all over the world – Brazil, Germany, France, Iran, Mexico, playing semi-professional soccer. Everything he says sounds great. He was extolling the virtues of universal love, beauty, nature, quoting the poet Rumi, and telling me how beautiful I was and trying to make out with me. Of course he made a delightful dinner companion – he enthused about the warmth of the Brazilian people, the beauty of Rio de Janiero and the the Amazon, told stories about wine tasting in France and discussed politics in the Middle East. He also let on that he was quite an expert lover. He even went so far as to share stories of women crying after making love with him and how he prayed aloud to god with a woman that 'this night would never end' because it was so wonderful. Unfortunately for him, I’m a hard sell at this point. I’m completely jaded toward most men and lines like ‘You are so gorgeous, like a painting. God really took his time with you.’ And ‘You are like an old movie star, from the black and white films.’ were ineffective with me. When I pointed out a mosquito bite on my cheek (because I thought he might think it was a big pimple!) he exclaimed ‘Who can blame the mosquito?!’ and started ardently kissing my cheek. I enjoyed him; he is sweet, chivalrous, sexy, interesting. But this is not a path I can go down. I’m sure he’s a good lover. That’s something that I have been very disappointed with; a lot of men seem to be a bit lazy in this respect. They are robotic in their love-making, not sensual. Still, I cannot imagine having sex with this guy who has no doubt been making love and whispering sweet nothings into the ears of women all over the globe. It still goes back to wanting to feel special. Sure it’s nice to be wined and dined and flattered by a handsome man but it all seems a bit hollow. Like he has uttered these very same phrases a million times. What is the meaning in them anymore?

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi