After hours of perusing cat 'personal ads' on Petfinder.com, I'm tempted write one for myself. Maybe I'll start a Girlfriendfinder.com or Loverfinder.com for all of us stray humans who need to be adopted and loved too!
Here's my ad:
This adorable, affectionate redhead is looking for her forever love.
Violeta was found living a hand-to-mouth existence in a rough neighborhood in Brooklyn, spending too much time in bars and on OKCupid - dating one NYC dickwad after another. Though she has mild PTSD from years of dealing with non committal guys (who used her for her body and superior skills in the boudoir), once you gain her trust she'll be a loyal and loving companion.
If you decide to share your home with her she'll greet you with a warm smile, inane chatter and endless BJs (dream on)to show you her appreciation.
Though Violeta is friendly and plays well with others she prefers to be the only lady of the house - no polyamorous looney toons, nor cheating bastards need apply.
She's negative for all STD's, is tattooed and has had her rabies shots. Don't even think of microchipping her!
Please be gainfully employed, provide at least 3 references and an adoption fee of 30,000 cash. A mandatory home visit will be scheduled beforehand.
