I watched the Adjustment Bureau tonight. Its all about fate versus free will. Without totally giving away the end, the movie basically suggests that if you fight hard enough for something that you truly desire you can break out of the web of preordained fate. Put another way, 'Fortune favors the brave'.
As I walked home through the soft spring night, I started thinking about why I came to New York. I came here to change my destiny, to shake up fate. I felt like my life was stale, monotonous, whirling in a slow motion circle of vacuous wasted time and loneliness. So I came here. Now I am walking down these dark Brooklyn streets, the moon shining on the brownstones and though I have come so far, I still feel the same tug of inertia. It still feels like I am going to be alone forever. That's the worst of it. I have tried so hard, god knows, I have tried. I've fought to change, to grow, to take chances, to try different things. I have given so many guys chances each time thinking maybe I could find love with this person. And yet every time it eludes me. People say stop trying and it will find you. I've given up too. Nothing changes. I've never felt so powerless about anything in my life. Nothing I do, or feel or think or pray for can possibly seem to shake the pattern of my solitary life.
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