Which came first, the ovary or the raisin?!

So I’m in New York. Everything’s great. Sort of. I found a job in just one week, an alarmingly short amount of time and a feat which has garnered the astonished praise of many. And within 3 whirlwind weeks I have my very own little room complete with a tiny twin bed all to myself in Astoria, Queens. In a conversation with my new roommate about the neighborhood (I was inquiring if it was safe) she noted that its mostly filled with young artists and actors and then said, “Yeah, my friend and I were just commenting on how many single, white women we see walking around here.” “Grrrrrrreat.” I replied sarcastically.

Oooops! I’m letting my jaded side show already. Keep it under wraps, girl. At least for the first week! Jeez.

Still, there’s no doubt that New York is filled to the brim with attractive, talented, young, ambitious women. Oh yes, they are everywhere, strutting down the streets in their fashionable knee high leather boots. Having a lot of cool women around is not a bad thing mind you, its just that if these smart, sexy, successful women are still single then my odds are not so good. And what can I say; I feel my dreams of ever meeting a man wither just a little more with the crisp fall leaves. It appears to be my destiny to swim in a sea of estrogen as my poor ovaries shrivel up inside of me like two dessicated little raisins.

Sob…[alone in my twin bed]

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!!!

I've been so good lately. But after 5 months of chastity I sorta slipped up and had a FIVESOME with my ex coworkers last night. We were all out celebrating my move on to greener pastures. Little did I realize how green the pastures were gonna be...
The whole thing was ridiculous! It was like being in a porn.
I still can't believe it.
What a send off for my move to New York!!!

A Funny Thing

If you're a guy and you tell a woman that you recently met that you're leaving town in couple weeks, chances are she won't be interested.

HOWEVER, if you're a woman and you tell a man you hardly know that you're leaving town in a couple weeks - he's enraptured. Nothing like the prospect of no strings attached casual sex, a never-have-to-see-you-again hookup to light a fire in a man's loins!

I've never had so many propositions from guys to suddenly 'hang out' as I've just had in the past couple weeks.

Typical.

Still, could be fun...

Getting It

My coworker (who can, at times, be quite cutting) said something really nice the other day. I was worrying aloud that I looked old. He said, "Violet, You're beautiful. Don't let anybody tell you any different." That made my night.

The problem is I've started to worry about what's wrong with me. I search for reasons why I'm still single, why I haven't had better luck with men. I can't decide what's to blame - my personality or my looks! In the looks department; sometimes its because I'm too fat, other times too old, other times not hip enough. Then there's my personality - that's another whole issue! ha ha... Maybe I'm too intense, maybe I'm too shy, maybe I'm too depressed, maybe I'm not successful enough, maybe I'm not accommodating enough... Blah, blah, blah. Once I go down this path I feel bad about myself. And then I get mad too because I start thinking of all the other people out there who despite their many shortcomings have found love. I start thinking I'm cursed.

But when I'm feeling calm and reasonable about things, when I feel balanced, I realize that I just haven't met the right person or that maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I realize that my life - pretty much from its inception on a crazy, Catholic commune in the woods, has never been normal or conventional. I've never gone from point A to B to C. While most people I know are getting married, having kids and settling down, I'm preparing to sell everything I own and run away to New York City! This is just me. Someday someone I meet will appreciate these eccentricities and will love me because of/despite them!

And someday (soon, I hope) I will relax and learn to relish the richness of my life, just as it is.

Role Playing

The other day at work a guy asked if I was an actress.
I replied, "Well, I AM starring in my own melodrama."

SEX SEX SEX!!!

I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately. Well, really when am I not?! But anyway, I was accidentally sent a Kings of Leon CD in the mail. I was going return it but then I just decided to keep it because I kinda like that 'Sex on Fire' song. I’m such a big dork. I so kept listening to this song which is all about great sex and its really got me thinking.
I feel like I haven’t had great sex in years. Actually, I think it would be accurate to say that I have only been having pretty mediocre sex in the past couple years. And yes, sex is like pizza - even when its bad its still pretty good (I actually hate that saying but its kind of appropriate here, so forgive me). So, if sex is like pizza, then I’ve been eating at Dominos for the last couple years when I could be licking delicious homemade sauce off of my fingers at some candlelit pizzeria on a backstreet in Rome! WTF?!
A lot of people will also say ‘sex is overrated’. Well, let me tell you something. The people that say this are always the one’s who are getting laid. After a while they get bored and feel like they could take it or leave it. I know because I’ve been there. But for me to hear this right now is pretty much the equivalent of someone who just walked out of a buffet telling a hungry person that eating is overrated. Sex is important. It helps us relax, it grounds us, it connects us, it feels great, it makes us appreciate our bodies, it’s a way of sharing with another person that transcends words. And when you haven’t had any affection in while, its bliss to be touched.
Problem is when you decide that you don't wanna give it up to just anybody who's hot; when you wanna hold out for something or someone special, then you gotta wait. And wait. And wait...

Rata de Dos Patas - Two Legged Rat

My lovely Salvadorian co worker taught me this song for men who are complete assholes...

English Translation:

Filthy rat
Despicable animal
Scum of life
Ill-made monstrosity!
Subhuman
Mirror image of hell
Damned louse!
How much damage you've done to me!

Vermin
Venomous snake
By-product of life
I hate you and despise you

Two-legged rat!
Yes, Im speaking to you!
Because any despicable insect
Even being the most evil
Compared with you
Just seems so innocent

Damnded bloodsucking leach
Damnded... cockroach
You infect where you poke around
You injure, and you kill

Vermin
Venomous snake
By product of life
I hate you and despise you

Two legged rat!
Yes, Im speaking to you!
Because any despicable insect
Even being the most evil
Compared with you
Seems so innocent

Psychos, Psychos, Everywhere

I noticed a kinda cute boy in the Self Help section (my favorite section, sad, I know) of the local bookstore yesterday. He had been reading intently for quite a while. When he left I took a peek at the book that he had shoved hastily back on the shelf. The title was MEN WHO HATE WOMEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM. Shit.
Oh, but it gets worse.... The book on the ground by the chair he was sitting in was "Getting It Through My Thick Skull: Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know" written by Mary Jo Buttafuco.
Are you fricking kidding me????!!!! Just when you thought the bookstore might be a good place to meet a nice guy. Scary.

All the Single Ladies

In case you didn’t know (which you probably didn’t) this is National Singles Week. Although couples only get a day (the dread V Day), it seems highly appropriate that we singles get a whole week. After all couples get all those great fringe benefits that we don’t, things like, hmmmmm…let’s see – free backrubs (hey, if I want someone to touch me these days, in a way that doesn’t involve sex, I gotta pay!), wedding presents, lower rent, boxes of chocolates, someone to bring them soup when they are sick, flowers, help paying the PG&E bill, sex with someone who actually loves them, bachelorette parties, health insurance…

But people in relationships don’t have all the fun. Oh no. Certainly not! Let’s not forget all the lovely things we can enjoy all on our own: smuggling burritos into romantic comedy matinees in the middle of the day, sleeping in until 2pm with no one to bother you, no strings attached wild sex with someone you definitely won’t respect in the morning, eating homemade chocolate frosting in your bathrobe on the couch at 1am, long, drunken, late night walks home with plenty of time for you to giggle and scream out loud to yourself if you so desire (which you do), sultry afternoons in bed with just yourself and your Hitachi magic wand, rewatching the threesome sex scene from Y Tu Mama Tambien endlessly, speaking the international language of love (and not much else) with sexy locals in foreign locales, picking up hot Serbian soccer players at the Oakland International Airport, still getting to list your MOM as your emergency contact at age 35… ahhhh… the list is endless.
So cheers, to… US!!! Besos!

This girl is funny

I can kinda relate. 'Cept she's a sports fan, wears designer clothes, has a rich mom and just might be a jerk...

Ahhhh... this link thing is driving me crazy, forget the link below (unless you want to cut and paste) and just click on the title of this particular blog entry...
http://oopsiedaisy.typepad.com/oopsie_daisy/2009/05/index.html