Spring Cleaning

Well, today has been productive - I've gotten rid of 3 guys in one day!
After an atrociously boring and awkward dinner date last night with the Indian guy who needs a green card during which I repeatedly attempted to make conversation, only to have him sit their limply, I had to cut him off once and for all.  I was considering taking him home (he's alright in bed) but he was just so...bleh, I couldn't bare to do it.  I've tried to have compassion for him and help him find a job or a girl to marry but I just can't endure it anymore, he brags about how stubborn he is and how he won't ask his cousin (who is high up at Google) for a job because he doesn't like him, he blatantly says he has 'no interest' in music and states he only cares about sports.  DULL, duller and more dull!  Then today he starts texting me about how he wishes he could have come over last night.  Forget it dude, you barely upheld your end of the conversation, were completely listless, answered your phone during dinner, didn't compliment me... All this after texting me all day how he missed me and wanted to see me and then he shows up and acts like a complete jerk.  Forget it.  So I told him - 'sorry we have nothing in common, let's just move on'.

Next up was a guy who, after two quite chaste dates, asked me via text message how many men I'd slept with. He also went on to judge one of my friends who he'd met briefly in passing, later texting me about how he can't stand it when voluptuous women 'pander to their skinny self absorbed friends'.  WTF?!  Seriously???!  I'd already told him I didn't appreciate his judgments and assumptions and I had ignored his texts over the last few days hoping he'd get the message.  Well, today I got a message suggesting I come over and watch Chris Rock videos with him during the thunderstorms.  To which I replied 'Sorry, who is this?' (I'd deleted his number).  With customary arrogance, he sent a text saying 'Its me'.  Now if I had a nickle for every time I get a text or call from a guy referring to himself as 'me' I'd be rich!  If only they knew how many 'me's were out there!  Ha ha... So, I politely told him I didn't enjoy his assumptions and judgments about my friends or my sexuality and didn't want to hear from him ever again.  DONE.

Finally, I had to clarify things with a cute guy who owns a business in the neighborhood who I'd been out with once. He seemed sweet but I was beginning to suspect he was a player only out for one thing.  Sure enough when he said he missed me and my 'beautiful smile' and I suggested that he make time to hang out again - I got back a message stating that he just simply 'couldn't get excited about a woman unless he had a sexual relationship with her' because 'sex was 80% of a relationship.' Huh.  Now clearly I'm no prude and I happen to enjoy sex QUITE a bit but if someone can't even give me a couple dates before expecting to hook up, that's just pathetic.  NEXT...
I've got a date lined up for Thursday and another for next Tuesday.  I hope these guys are smarter and more civilized but we'll see.

Emotional Tendenko

When I was home for Christmas my brother told me about a Japanese philosophy for surviving tsunamis. 'Tendenko' encourages people to save themselves first in the occasion of a natural disaster or tsunami. Due to their strong ties to family and feelings of obligation to others, many Japanese turned back to find relatives which cost precious time during the tsunami and led to greater casualties. However, one seaside village that rigorously instructed its citizens and schoolchildren on the practice of tendenko - which in this case literally meant to drop everything and run like hell for the hills at the first sign of a tsunami - had very high survival rates.
I'm not a big fan of New Year's resolutions. But one thing is for sure - I've been burned enough by men this year (and work situations). This needs to come to an end ASAP. So, for 2012 I'm putting into practice my own version of 'emotional tendenko' - self preservation in relationships. The moment I see red flags with someone: selfishness, game playing, unreliability, alcoholism, lying, cheating, ambivalence about relationships, mental instability, etc - I'm heading for the hills. This goes for friends too, some just seem to expect endless free therapy sessions but are never very compassionate when the tables are turned.
I'm tired of falling for emotional wrecks and thinking I can save them; I can't. After one of my ex boyfriends convinced me to invite him to my parents' farm for the holiday and then preceded to just never show up - without calling or contacting me in any way to say he wasn't coming, I'm through extending myself emotionally to drowning people. OK you're depressed and miserable and you hate your life, etc,etc - I get it (because I've been there) but you know what - that's no excuse for treating others like shit and making them feel bad. Self preservation is finally kicking in and I'm heading for high ground, unencumbered. Anyone who'd care to join me is welcome but they're gonna have to make it there on their own.

Booty Call

So a couple of months ago I went on a date or two with a sexy, educated, funny and nice-enough guy. One thing let to another, if you know what I mean... and we hooked up. I must say he was quite well-endowed. Anyway, I didn't hear from him after that. I wasn't devastated, nor was I surprised. What did surprise me (and wake me up)several days ago, was my cell vibrating at 3:30am with a call from him.
Now I don't like to be awakened EVER, but especially not by a booty call from a guy I haven't seen or heard from in months. Though I didn't answer the phone, I lay awake in bed for several hours afterward contemplating my life and generally feeling like crap. So the next morning I decided to get in touch with him.

I started out innocently enough.
Me: Little tipsy last night, eh?

The Guy ('T'): Yeah. Fondly
T: Thought did "count" though.

Me: 'Thought' counted?! A random drunk phone call at 3:30am?! Come on, we both can do better than that!

T: I sure can. It's not out of disrespect. But in return, if you find I can fill any carnal impulse, you are free to share that anytime.

Me: I have no problem with 'carnal' impulses however, I prefer to fulfill them after a drink and a 'civilized' conversation at a reasonable hour.

Me: Next time a 'carnal' urge strikes you at 3:30 in the morning - though certainly less economical, and more morally questionable - I suggest you hire a prostitute.

T: I'm sorry for the bother last night but is that last statement some kind of joke?

Me: I'm not serious but just trying to make a point about how that made me feel.

T: I'm sorry, but my options in NY aren't just you...and prostitutes. That was absurd. Point taken though.

Me: Well clearly! I assume you went down 'the list' last night. Glad you got the point.

Heh, heh...maybe he'll think twice before he drunk dials a girl at 3am. Or not. But at least I know I won't be getting woken up by him again.